Holding On...

Here I sit, in the house-that-love-built, counting my blessings in the midst of this "valley"...

I know that life cannot always be sunshine, rain must fall to make rainbows.... but really how long can this "rain" last?  It seems hard to believe so much has happened in the course of just this past year... marriage, living apart, giving up my house, business etc to move to Sodom, getting sick, and now coming home to an empty house and equally empty business, to lie in bed night after night longing for the best of me which lies far away with him....

To say the past couple weeks have been rough is kind of an understatement.... I have felt battered around like a tornado that picks me up and whirls me around at will... I have been holding onto the knowledge that God knows how much I can handle and will never, ever give me more than that...

But I must admit when my wonderful hubby showed up this past weekend to try and save my sanity, I was estatic... until.....

He approached the subject gently with all the care and love he has.... but there was no way to shield my heart from the blow.... He asked me if I would pray about him applying for a position that would mean a move.  A real - yank up roots, sell my house-that-love-built - move.

So I have cried, and struggled and struggled and cried some more... and in the end it comes down to this... Did I mean the words I spoke almost a year ago.... Two hearts becoming one, where He goes, I will go...

In my previous marriage, I hastily gave up everything... school, apartment, family heirlooms even, to follow one who misused that trust.  Now here I am again, being asked to consider giving, up things that I hold dear, for love...  But this time to a man who is worthy of my trust and will never intentionally bring me pain.  Although his question was painful and the coming to be willing is painful, and scary.... I must....
So instead of clutching tightly to my life as I know it, I am going instead to hold on to the man that I love, and more importantly, to the God that loves me.

And I will hold onto the blessings in my life - The rainbows that have been given after previous rainy seasons.  Can't wait to see what this one will look like!