After the Darkness.....

I could not believe it when I commented on a friends blog this morning and was reminded that I too had a blog that has been sorely neglected over the past year. BIG TIME BLUSH :-(

I could give a myriad of reasons why I was too busy with moving, adjusting etc... but the truth is I had nothing to share with anyone because I allowed my tank to run dry. Plain and simple.

Last Feb, our family made what we envisioned to be a great move to "Sweet Home Alabama". We were finally going to get to be together under one roof instead of being an "every other weekend" family. I had such high hopes....

Then reality set in.... Our small town in AL is one of those towns where everyone knows each other and they don't really need "outsiders".... So every attempt I made at building friendships felt like slamming my head against a brick wall. Not fun for even a second...

Then with no support system in place, the bottom fell out of our family life and I discovered that fantasy I had about the perfect family life was not going to become reality. Instead I got pain that threatened to overwhelm and crush me. Pain that lasted for months on end....

I knew in my head that I should turn to God to see me though this time and honestly I tried, but it was with a heart that also accused God of not really caring about me....
Depression settled in and I felt myself drowning...

So what has changed that I now, after literally months of hell, see the light? My circumstances haven't changed dramatically for the better although they are slowly getting better.... What changed was me.... I finally came to place of truly letting go and embracing the darkness as God's plan for my life. Was it easy? Not even close. It was pain like I have never felt before. But once I let go, there is peace... Like the first glimmers of daybreak after the darkness....

Psalm 30:5 "The nights of crying your eyes out give way to days of laughter." MSG